


Super 12

by X15lm204



Category: Homestuck, Super 8
Genre: Affectionate Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-08
Updated: 2011-07-08
Packaged: 2017-10-21 03:47:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/220579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/X15lm204/pseuds/X15lm204
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was probably not the best night they could have chosen to film a scene from Dave's ironic zombie movie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Super 12

**Author's Note:**

> I was already writing this thing in my head halfway through watching the movie. I figured I ought to get it out of my system.
> 
> Spoilers for the latter source, though if you haven't seen it you will likely have no idea what's going on.
> 
> What is even this thing that has happened in my brain.

"Remind me again why Rose is playing the wife?"

"Irony."

"Is that even legal in this state yet? I haven't really been paying attention, but I don't think it is."

"Irony."

"Come on, John, you know that's his answer to everything, just set up the camera already!"

"Fine, but I'm not filming any sloppy makeout scenes with my sister in them, okay?"

"Never fear, John; unless the script is drastically changed at a later date, you shall be safe from the horror of witnessing your twin's first homosexual experience."

"Why would you assume you'd be the first girl I've kissed?"

"Intriguing."

"Put the notepad down, Ms. Freud, we're filming as soon as the train gets around the bend."

"How are people supposed to hear them over the train, anyway? Won't it be too loud?"

"Irony."

"What-"

"Rolling in five, four, three, two, one..."

"I need you to get out of town for a few days."

"Dear, I have never asked you to give up a case, but this time..."

"It's my job."

"I can't go and not know that you'll return to me. I can't let this be the last time I might ever see you."

"What am I supposed to do, go to New York with you?"

"Um, guys..."

"What the fuck, Egbert-"

"Rainbow Falls is beautiful this time of year."

"Guys, LOOK OUT!"

BOOM

"AHHHHH" "What in the" "What the hell" "Jegus fuck"

"RUN!"

***

"Dave, I can tell you're upset, even with those shades! What's the matter? I said I'd keep filming your dumb movie, didn't I?"

"It's not about the movie, Egbert. It's about Rose."

"Rose? What about Rose?"

"Don't play stupid; I can see you making lovey-dovey eyes at her, and it shatters my eternally icy cool heart."

"Um, sorry? I guess it would be a bro code violation if I didn't say anything to you first, but it's not like I'm actively hitting on her or anything?"

"Not the point, John. Point is, I didn't bring you into this shindig so you could mack on my sister." Suddenly Dave flashed into John's personal space, cupping his chin in one hand. "I brought you in so you could mack on me."

"Oh, silly Dave, you know our rad bromance could never be eclipsed by anything," John replied, as close to deadpan as the derp was capable of. "You will always be first in my heart."

"And?"

"And I totally want your dick, like, all the time. I'm sorry, I thought that was obvious."

Dave gave an infinitesimal nod of approval, then slapped John on the back of the head. "Dunkass. It's cool."

John laughed for a moment, but didn't look up. Instead, he stared at the image projected on Dave's shirt.

"Something interesting about my faultless abs, bro?"

"Dave, move...and...look..."

The two boys could only watch in silent awe as something STRONGPUNCHED its way out of the train car.

"Hopy shit."

"Yeah... Uh... What was that thing on its head?"

"The arrow, or-"

"The other one."

"Candycorn horse cock."

Neither noticed that the strange cone of white metal on John's desk had curled into the shape of a ram's horn.

"Dave."

"Yeah bro?"

"Why do you know what a horse cock looks like? Like, specifically?"

"Irony."

***

John stared in wonder as nearly every piece of metal and machinery in the street floated towards the water tower, as if guided by invisible hands. For one fleeting moment, he thought he could hear his mother's voice singing to him.

Then his father was there, and hugging him and saying how proud he was of him, and Rose's and Dave's mother was there, and John smiled as he saw that the two parents' feud had been forgotten – before grimacing as he realized their feud had really been forgotten.

Then his mother's locket, bearing her smiling face and engraved with his parents' zodiac signs, Aries and Sagittarius, began floating upward as well. For a long moment John held it in place, but soon he decided that the alien had more need of it than he, now.

John believed he had really gotten through to the alien in their short interaction, had shown him that their species were not so different in their mangrit, that humans had worth despite the obscene acts of a few. He hoped the creature would take that thought with him as he sailed into the infinite stars.

"What is he building?"

"I think...it's a girl!"

As borrowed metal crashed into form one last time, John thought back on all he and his town had lost in a conflict not of their choosing, and hoped that it had all been worth it.

Then Rose was holding his hand, and all was right with the world. The two watched together as the majestic alien creature rode his dead robot girlfriend like a mechanical bull towards the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> That middle scene. Dave/John or gay chicken??? >:3 :3 :\ :?
> 
> I... don't actually know.


End file.
